Jaina's Journal Series
by obi's girl
Summary: For some weird reason (probably ff.n fault!), there are 2 CH10, and NO CH9. My beta-reader is looking through her hard drive if maybe she has a copy. But until then, CH9 is missing & I honestly do not remember what I wrote.
1. The Crush

Jaina's Journal Entry_#1 "The Crush"  
By obi's girl  
  
Summary: We all know Jaina has a "thing" for Jag, Wedge's nephew. Well, this is my take on their relationship. Told from Jaina's Point of view - it makes matters interesting. Jaina contemplates her impression of Jag after her conversation with him on the Chimaera.

**Timeframe: Set after Dark Tide 2. Don't ask me when or which book. I'm really not sure. This is sorely for fun. **

**Genre: Romance, though it is only the beginning. **

**Rating: PG-13 **

Disclaimer: All the below characters belong to George Lucas. I'm just playing around.   
  
To be honest, I'm not the kind of girl to fall head over heels in love with a man. Maybe it's because I've never experienced being in love. I'm only 17 years old, and still learning about my place. My name is Jaina Solo, daughter of Han Solo and Leia Organa Solo, and sister of Jacen and Anakin Solo.   
  
And right now, is not the time for romance or attraction to an older man (only 2 years older than I), but that's not the point. In theory, that's how my mother ended up with my dad. He was the handsome, dashing, cocky space pirate, with his roguish smile that broke my mother's cold, penetrable exterior. They fell in love because it was romantic to fall for someone who was uncivilized and unruly. However, the object of my contemplation is civilized - in the manner that he hasn't whisked me off my feet and threatened me to marry him. (My dad did that to my mom).   
  
His name is Jagged Fel, 19-year-old nephew of Wedge Antilles. His mother, Syal Antilles, is Wedge's lost sister. I don't want to get into specifics, so this is the summary of Jag's life. Wedge's sister was an actress and wanted to make it big, so she left Wedge and her parents and took on a different persona. As her new persona, she met and fell in love with Soontir Fel. Soon, Syal had to confess Soontir that she wasn't who she was, but it didn't matter. He didn't care. He loved her and they married. Jag was raised among the Chiss, a non-estalgic society. But even though that was how he was brought up on Chiss, my impression of our first meeting was not what I expected of a Chiss man.   
  
***  
  
He drew himself up before me, straight of limb and muscularity taut, then snapped his head and upper body forward in a bow that was not as deep as that given the others, but was nonetheless respectful. "I am Jagged Fel." He straightened, and I started to blush as his green-eyed gaze raked my small body. "A Jedi too. Fascinating."   
  
I know it's ironic, but I don't remember what he said after that, but I remember I smiled. ***  
  
Fascinating. I'm a girl, born Jedi. What makes that fascinating? It was flattering to hear, but to people that know Jedi and respect them, it isn't very fascinating. However, on the other hand, the Chiss have been isolated for years from outside contact. Seeing a young female Jedi, that just so happens to be a Rogue pilot, would be fascinating. Right? At the ceremony to receive the Chiss fleet, he ignored the political dignitaries to introduce himself to me. His eyes raked my body, as if he's never seen a young girl before in his life. (Something, which is obviously false). But he is a mystery. There is no doubt about that.   
  
Before, I had a small crush on Ganner, but it was nothing serious. I didn't flaunt it. I only thought he was handsome. Nothing else. Jag...he's...I don't know how to describe him.   
  
Wait a minute!   
  
What about how he insulted me on the Chimaera? He made a judgment based on my age, instead of who I am as a person. I didn't judge him, so it wasn't fair he judge me. We spat back and forth (correction, I spat. He was just trying to be nice and make conversation). I didn't really help. I know that. He probably thinks I'm a spoiled, stuck-up child because I rebuffed his compliments...repeatedly. Maybe it was unfair of me to shoot back his compliments. A compliment is a compliment, just like a meeting only a meeting, unless otherwise indicated.   
  
Oh Force, listen to me!   
  
This isn't the time to fall in love. I don't even really know him, besides his background. I can't be falling for him. I won't. How would it look to higher-ranking officers if it looked like I had a crush on a man, who was higher than I? No. I don't even want to think about the word. It's Sithspawn.   
  
Focus, Jaina. You can't have your head fantasizing.   
  
"I just can't."   
  
TBC.


	2. Obsession to the Limits

**Jaina's Journal Entry_2  
Obsession to the Limits   
  
By obi's girl  
  
Authors' Note: Originally, this was Journal Entry 1, but decided to change it to 2. And, this fic has nothing to do with my series (Ana & Owen), but even if it doesn't, don't forget to review Ana & Owen, Book 1 and this one. Enjoy.  
Genre: Romance, though it is only the beginning.   
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: All the below characters belong to George Lucas. I'm just playing around.   
  
Yesterday, as I walked through the hall (Rogue quarters), I passed him, lightly brushed his shoulder - that surprisingly sent a chill through me. I honestly don't know what it is about him. Besides being a member of the opposite sex, he almost insulted me during our first conversation. Naturally, I don't intend to fall for Jagged Fel, but I can't help it. Even though he's stoic all the time and thinks everything that happens is either fascinating or interesting, he enamors me.   
  
He's not like anyone I've ever met before. He's not arrogant, brash and stupid like most other men I've known. He's disciplined, calm and almost striking. I'm not talking about his eyes, but his overall appearance. When he looks at me, it's almost like he's looking into my body and deep into my soul.   
  
That is definite love talk. I know it. I am falling for him and I've already fallen hard. He smiled at me, making my entire body feel like it was melting.   
  
"Lieutenant Solo. I didn't see you. How are you?" he asked. I smiled, though he didn't.   
  
"I was - there's a briefing. Colonel Darklighter, he said all were supposed to attend." I almost cried, and I swear I sounded more garbled and stupid than anything else does.   
  
Jag smiled, almost amused by my answer. I frowned, highering my 'I'm tougher and smarter than you' shields. "Hey, that wasn't funny. You just shocked me. I didn't expect to see you down here." I shot back, feeling a bit offended.   
  
"I didn't mean to offend you, Lieutenant Solo." He whispered then perked up, straightening his uniform as if to impress me. I smiled as he extended his arm to me. "I'm heading for the briefing as well. Would you like to accompany me there?"   
  
I gave him an almost incredulous look, which caused him to smirk. I kicked my gawking eyes back where they belonged and smiled. "It would be an honor, Colonel."   
  
Jag smiled, sending another chill down my back. He certainly can be sexy, even if he doesn't mean to be.   
  
**  
  
Wedge Antilles studied the report thoroughly as I entered with Jag. I made sure before we entered I removed my arm from his and walked at least a meter behind him. It was crazy to be cautious but this is the military. The smallest hint of interest in a high-ranking officer would be looked down upon by other high-ranking officers, especially Wedge or maybe not...  
  
He smiled at us, almost suspecting we were holding out on something. "Glad you two could finally make it. We were starting to worry."   
  
I laughed stupidly, placing myself amongst the other pilots and out of attention. Jag smiled a bit, something he's never done since he arrived on Coruscant, and I have to admit, I think I was partly the cause for his smile. It was nice.   
  
"This is just a small briefing, and run down of exercises. Freshen up skills. That sort of thing. Nothing to worry or panic about." Wedge stated and raised an eyebrow once he saw me wanting to ask a dire question. "What is, Jaina?"   
  
All eyes turned back on me, which vexed me a bit. "Where's Colonel Darklighter? Shouldn't he be here to conduct these exercises?"   
  
"I am." A voice said. I swirled around, facing the Colonel and bowed. Gavin laughed, going to stand next to Wedge and Jag.   
  
Okay, that wasn't funny. I mused in thought.   
  
"Jaina, since you're anxious about these exercises, why don't you go first?" Jag added, teasing me.   
  
Oh, I'll go first and if they pair me with him, I'll kick his -----.   
  
Wedge whispered something to his nephew before facing me. "No. Let's get started with these exercises and actually do something productive with our time."   
  
I sigh because I'm relieved. At least it isn't that obvious I have a crush on Jag, but then again, what did Wedge whisper to him?   
  
**  
  
I ran cold water on my face during break and it felt good. No wander why Wedge, and Gavin were stalling. And Jag. What were they talking about? I know I shouldn't obsess about it but isn't that what girls' do when they have crushes? They obsess about their object of their affection. Look at me, 16 years old and already I'm anxious to hear gossip about my attraction to a cute boy, no man. I'm crazed.   
  
"Nice workout, Sticks."   
  
I swirled around again. I swear I almost broke my neck doing so and smiled at him, only I noticed something. Sweat covered his brow and beads of sweat were on his necks and probably on his ribs as well.... Stop it Jaina! Just stop it. You need to be focused, not fantasizing.   
  
"Thanks." I replied almost too soft for him to hear. Only I couldn't leave it at that. The conversation he had with Wedge. I had to know if it was about me. I hesitated, something that had never happened to me before. "Um, I know this is probably intrusion and none of my business, but earlier, Wedge talked to you while you guys were busy teasing me...Was it...?"   
  
"About you?"   
  
I nodded mesmerized by his reaction.   
  
"Actually yes. I was just wandering how keen are your skills as a Jedi. And was wandering if maybe we could put those skills to the test."   
  
I frowned, feeling disappointed. "You against me? I don't think so."   
  
"Why not?"   
  
"Because I would whoop your ass. I am a Jedi Knight, you know." I shot back, challenging him.   
  
"I am a Chiss, you know. I may not be violent by nature, but equally powerful. I was trained by the best."   
  
I nodded, not believing what I was doing and of what else I was going to say. I placed my hands on my waists and nodded. "All right then. I accept." And extended my hand to shake on it. "Only I should warn you, I'm really good."   
  
"So am I." He replied, taking my hand, once again sending chills down my back.   
  
This is going to be interesting.   
  
**  
  
"What's going on over here?" Wedge asked, accompanied by Gavin. Wedge smiled, almost sensing the tension between his nephew and I.   
  
I smiled pointedly. "Jag challenged me and I accepted." Wedge looked at Jag and he shrugged, though it didn't dissuade me. "Believe me, Wedge it'll help teach your nephew a thing or two." I looked down at my watch and sighed. "I better go and freshen up. Want to get rid of this sweat first."   
  
"Time? What about the time?" Wedge inquired, almost intrigued by this flirting and it was.   
  
Again, I looked at Jag and he nodded. "It's late now. How about noon tomorrow, in the local gym?"   
  
"Noon is good." I replied, grabbing my jacket and sabre along the way.   
  
Wedge gazed at his nephew. "You know, it would be just easier to tell her you like her instead of challenging her to a duel."   
  
"I know. But I've never really been good about expressing my feelings. Chiss trait."   
  
**  
  
"I can't believe you, Jainy!" my elder sibling squirmed after I told him about my deal with Jag. I smiled. Ever since Corran's duel with Deign Ling, Jacen's been a bit touchy about duels, even if they weren't life threatening.   
  
"It's no big deal, Jacen. I know what I'm doing." I replied, though in truth, I really didn't. I just had to prove to myself we were equals, I guess. That I wasn't below him or he wasn't above me. Something like that. "Wedge and Gavin, will be there to supervise and you of course. Your brotherly instincts won't allow you to back down and let me fight alone."   
  
He nodded. "I'm not worried about you fighting, but isn't this a bit showy? I mean, do you really have to prove to him you're stronger."   
  
"This isn't about strength. It's about being equal. If he can see I'm not a child, and that I have inner strength too and skills, maybe he won't see me as a spoiled child because my mother is a personal friend of Gavin Darklighter and that I didn't get this job in the Rogue Squadron because of my connections."   
  
"It's still crazy."   
  
I shrugged, ruffling my brother's hair a bit like I used to when we were kids. "Maybe, but so is proving yourselves worth. Now, are you going to help me prepare or not?"   
  
He relented, nodding and smiling a bit. "You've always been head-strong and stubborn, Jainy. I see no reason to stop you now from that inner strength." He winked at me, standing up. "Let's get started."   
  
**  
  
The following morning, Jacen followed me into the gym. He nodded to Wedge and Gavin, and Jag, who was in the corner, meditating. Jaina's sure to kick his butt. Jacen thought, causing me to smile and feel more confident.   
  
I smiled, turning to my brother. "Don't worry. I know to be careful." I removed my belt and gave it to him, and a worried look passed over his face. "I told you I wanted to do this equally. That means hand to hand."   
  
Jacen shrugged and hugged his sister for luck. "Just kick his ass, Jainy."   
  
I smiled, backing away and glancing at Wedge. My brother's suddenly turned serious. He brought up his hand and faced two fingers to his eyes. "Focus. Maintain your focus. It's right here. Don't forget that."   
  
"Right, maintain focus. Anything else, coach?"   
  
"Yeah, try not to get you butt kicked." Jacen laughed, shooing me off.   
  
Oh boy. Maybe this was a bad idea. I mean, I don't need to prove anything. Do I? I glanced over at Jag. He stood up and removed the cape he was wearing, revealing only a shirt and jump pants. Okay. Focus Jainy. Remember that you're doing this to prove to him you're not just a kid. Of course, it would have been easier to say so in the beginning and start fresh.   
  
Wedge stood between us, ready to state the rules. Jacen stood next to Gavin and smiled, feeling proud of his sister for going to this trouble just to impress a boy. It wasn't usually like her, but then again, they weren't kids anymore.   
  
"All right. No weapons. This is hand-to-hand combat. Hopefully, both of you will be lucky to come out of this without a bruise or bloody nose. Keep it clean and no horseplay. Understood?"   
  
We both nodded yes and stated so. Wedge backed away as I started hyping myself, bouncing up and down. Jag began to laugh but remembered to remain focused. He threw the first punch but I ducked him, but managed to grab his leg, landing him on the floor. I smiled to myself, flipping up and pacing behind him like a predator. He jumped up, a bit confused and worried where I went. Jacen pointed behind him. He swirled around, just as I was about to deck him.   
  
"Come on. You're holding out." Jag teased, facing me.   
  
"Yeah, what makes you think that? I maybe a be a Jedi, but that doesn't make me as strong as Luke."   
  
He nodded. "You're holding out. I can see it in your eyes."   
  
I frowned at that and nodded. "Let's go then." I thrust my arms forward, hitting his elbow repeatedly. Jacen's eyebrows' furrowed as he noticed the fight was no longer play, but challenge to our strength and abilities.   
  
He began to hit me, but I ducked quicker and managed to pull him down, covering him. I was on top of him, something I really hadn't planned on and seeing that there was others' present in the room, it might have looked like I had planned it. He smiled. Beads of sweat were on both of our faces and we were panting from the exhaustion.   
  
I got off him and extended my hand to him, helping him up to his feet. "No more fight. We don't do this anymore." I stated almost in the non-estalgic tone he used all the time. "We're equals. Deal?"   
  
Jag took my hand and shook it. "It's a deal, but next time, I'll take you down. You can guarantee it, Sticks."   
  
I smiled teasingly, as I picked up my jacket and sabre. "We'll see. If there is a next time." I nodded to my brother.   
  
Jacen in turn nodded, laughing. "Kids." And left.   
  
Wedge nodded to his nephew. "You never intended to really fight her, did you, Jag?"   
  
He shrugged. "No, but that doesn't mean we can't compete at other things. Flying for example. That's a whole other area."   
  
Wedge glanced at Gavin and shrugged. "Don't look at me. He's your nephew." Jag smiled at them both before leaving the gym, hoping to catch up with me in the hall.   
  
I didn't even leave the corridor. I knew he'd want to say something to me. Call it female intuition or just the Force telling me I shouldn't leave yet because of something else. I smiled wishfully, gesturing towards the gym. "Sorry, about kicking your butt in there. I hope I didn't ruin your male pride."   
  
"You didn't. It was..."   
  
I waved my hand, smiling. "Let me guess, fascinating, educational, interesting... Take your pick."   
  
"All and above, but I hope this doesn't ruin our chances for a rematch...like I don't know, flying."   
  
I blushed a bit, leaning off the wall. "You just never give up do you, Jagged Fel?"   
  
"The battle is never done until the two sides come to an understanding."   
  
I nodded, understanding his meaning. "Well, until next time, may the best man or woman win." I smiled, before leaving and kept on smiling to myself as I felt his eyes on me walk down the corridor.   
  
Oh yes. This will definitely by interesting.   
  
TBC   
  
  
******


	3. The Kiss

**Jaina's Journal_Entry # 3  
"The Kiss"  
  
By obi's girl  
  
Summary: Weeks after the events of "Obsession to the Limits", Jaina reevaluates her relationship with Jag; as he reevaluates his with her.   
Timeframe: Set after Dark Tide 2. Don't ask me when or which book. I'm really not sure. This is sorely for fun.   
Genre: Romance, though it is only the beginning.   
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: All the below characters belong to George Lucas. I'm just playing around.   
  
I sighed to myself as I watched the stars above. It was a beautiful night and peaceful...of course if the Vong attacked without warning it wouldn't be peaceful at all. Months ago, no one ever thought about the rest of the galaxy and the reaches beyond that. Now, the universe is no longer safe and it isn't exactly the best time to think about ones' first kiss.   
  
It doesn't matter. The idea that Jagged Fel would even give me a second glance is...only in my dreams. That's another thing. Lately, I've been dreaming about what it would be like to kiss Jag. Would he kiss me first or would I? Was he a good kisser? All these questions have been bouncing back and forth in my head and I don't know how to deal with it.   
  
**  
  
Wedges nodded watching his nephew straighten his uniform. He had known Jag had a crush on Jaina and she on him, but it was more amusing how they acted around each other. Everybody knew they had feelings for each other, though they never admitted it openly. He was certain Jacen knew his sister liked Jag, though the boy never said anything. But aside from that, all it was just flirting and talking.   
  
Jag turned and smiled, "How do I look?"   
  
"It's nice. But, can I give you some advice?"   
  
He shrugged.   
  
"Why go to all this show if all you have to do is tell Jaina you like her?"   
  
Jag slumped his shoulders and plopped onto the bed. Because he was raised as a Chiss, he was never good at expressing his feelings.... even to a girl and Jaina. "It's just how I am. I can't help it. I can try to be human but it's hard. I'm not used to living loudly and openly." He paused, slightly worried. "Is that going to be problem?"   
  
"It might. Or it might not. Jedi are the same way. Unemotional at times, but completely emotional the next. Mostly, it's about philosophical. Jaina, for example, though she is Jedi, she's not like that all time. She's a teenager and acts like a teenager on occasion." Wedge paused, smiling. "If it helps, I think you bring the teenage side out of her."   
  
"You really think so?"   
  
Wedge leaned back, trying to suppress a smile. "Let's put it this way, she wouldn't challenge anybody to a duel." And winked at him.   
  
"That was only the first round. Next time, I'll beat her.... that's the teenager side talking, Uncle."   
  
"Well, at least there's something there." Wedge added.   
  
**  
  
After wandering through the halls, Jag found me alone in the gym where had sparred only weeks ago and kicked his ass. It was a tie actually because we decided to be equals. No one really won. No one won, which meant at one point, there would have to be another fight to see who is the better fighter. He smiled menacingly, clearing his throat.   
  
I turned a strand of sweaty of hair stuck to my cheeks and forehead. I gasped, staring at him. My mouth was practically open and gaping back, unable to comprehend. There he was, Jagged Fel, dressed, in an officers' suit or was it one? I wasn't really sure. He was dressed up nicely, almost like gentlemen but the thin shirt he wore almost revealed his tight muscles. Oh no, Jainy! Don't even think about.   
  
"Jag, what, uh, is something wrong - I mean what are you doing here?" I asked, practically falling over myself.   
  
He walked closer, eyeing me, trying to see if he could size me down but it didn't work. He didn't intimidate me, but I still felt he was here to see me for a reason. He stopped, facing me and brushed my head, clearing the sweat off my forehead and sides.   
  
"I was training, sir. Jedi exercises and...Sorry, I forgot. We're equals."   
  
Jag nodded, met my eyes and kissed me softly without saying a word to respond to my answer. Only, there was no question. He didn't say anything. He just showed up, interrupted my exercises to kiss me...a kiss that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I relaxed a bit, my arms crawling around his back as his slithered onto mine. He pulled away suddenly and smiled.   
  
"I always wanted to do that." He whispered.   
  
I smiled back, fingering his hair between my fingers. "I always wanted you too, but I wasn't sure if you felt that way about me. When we met, you saw me as a kid, I didn't think you saw me as a woman."   
  
He shrugged and smiled again. "It's like what you said. A meeting is only a meeting until otherwise indicated." Jag raised a hand and brushed my cheek, making me flush a bit. "We're equals, Jaina Solo and...even though we are, there's still a small business we have to take care of." He backed away and dropped his robe to the floor. "Second try, another round, only this time, none us don't hold anything back. All or nothing."   
  
"You're just so determined to beat me because I'm a girl. Male ego. It never changes."   
  
Jag shrugged and raised his arms and fists, smiling at me. "Well, you've had the time to warm up. It's only fair, we see who's better."   
  
I shrugged but raised my arms, hyping myself up. He moved around, trying to size me down like he did before and this time, I have to admit it worked a little bit. I nodded off the feeling as he swung at me first, I ducked it and positioned myself on his left side. He turned to me and nodded.   
  
"Come on. I know you're better than that, Sticks." He teased.   
  
"I am." I replied stoically before flipping over him and locking his arms in mine. I flipped him over onto the mat and once again, straddled him like I did during our first sparring session. I nodded my head before bending down and kissing him. "Now, we're equals. No more fight. Deal?"   
  
He smiled, kissing me back. "So, I can't beat you sparring. That doesn't mean I can't beat you at flight simulations."   
  
I laughed. "Oh no, Jag. I learned from the best. If we face off on flight simulations, you're going to wish you never met me."   
  
"Then what else can we compete in?"   
  
I tapped my chin with my index finger, as if thinking and smiled back. "How about nothing?" I continued, "We've gotten this far and if we continue to compete, our relationship, our friendship, it'll be hurt, that and our prides. I don't want that. I don't want to hurt you."   
  
He nodded, understanding my meaning. He also gestured I stand up. I scooted off, standing up. "Sorry." I whispered, sensing he was somewhat disappointed.   
  
"I'm not disappointed, Jaina. In fact, I'm kinda of glad I don't have to face you. You're a Jedi and rumor has it, the best rookie pilot in the Rogue Squadron - something that tends to intimidate any pilot of any status and background."   
  
My smile widened as I looked back at him, but waved my hand. "You're just saying that because you don't want to hurt my feelings. Thank you."   
  
He nodded no. "No, I meant it."   
  
"Thank you." I whispered back.   
  
"Oh, before I forget. There's a small social gathering next weekend. It's for all flight officers, no generals or admirals, except if they're monitoring the party. It's nothing fancy, just something to relieve tension and...I was wandering, would you like to be my date?"   
  
I cleared my throat, looking at him honestly and placed my hands behind my back. "I would be honored, Jagged Fel."   
  
He smiled, partly amused by my reaction to his invitation. "All right. It's in the mess hall at 12:00. Don't be late."   
  
I nodded. "I don't plan to be."   
  
Jag smiled again before exiting the gym and vanished down the hallway.   
  
So, that was a kiss from Jagged Fel. It wasn't bad.... I just hope our first date is better and memorable.   
  
TBC   
  
******


	4. The Date

**Jaina's Journal_Entry_4  
"The Date"  
  
By obi's girl  
  
Summary: Obviously, Jaina and Jag's first date. I know, I know, blah, blah blah, you think this is going to be pure mush, it's not. In fact, it's a lot more interesting than you might think.   
Timeframe: Set after Dark Tide 2. Don't ask me when or which book. I'm really not sure. This is sorely for fun.   
Genre: Romance, though it is only the beginning.   
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: All the below characters belong to George Lucas. I'm just playing around.   
  
Looking at myself in the mirror, I'm starting to think maybe this was a bad idea. I mean, things don't need to go this fast, do they? I hardly know Jag. All we've really shared was an innocent kiss. A remarkable kiss. I've never even thought about since it happened weeks ago. I had been fantasizing what it would have been like to be kissed by him. I wasn't expecting him to be there, like he was. He didn't even say anything, he just kissed me. I didn't really think about it a whole lot until now. He was quiet then. So, does that mean he'll be quiet through our entire date, listening to me bore him to death? Of course, I'm not boring. Or am I? I mean, people listen to what I have to say, but that maybe just because my mother was the former Chief of State and a hero of the Rebellion. He might even think I'm spoiled or something. I mean, he wouldn't be wrong to think so. I am spoiled.   
  
Stop it, Jainy. Stop it! The more you obsess about this, well, you'll end up being late...for the date.   
  
"The date. Oh Force, how did I get myself into this?" I cried slumping my shoulders.   
  
**  
  
Jag smiled at Threepio as he entered the main room. He asked Master Skywalker if he could borrow the droid for a while. Luke cocked his eyebrow suspicious of what the boy was up to, but let him have the droid anyway. Anyway, having Threepio help him prepare some of Jaina's favorite dishes was great. He passed Jacen in the hallway and told him about his date with his sister. It was actually Jacen that recommended he kidnap Threepio to help him out, but Jag refused the idea of stealing the golden droid. He did however, didn't mind borrowing him, which was exactly what he did. And now, everything was perfect.   
  
Threepio popped his head from the kitchen, confronting Jag. "I'm just about finished sir. Is there anything else you need?"   
  
He nodded no. "Nothing else. Thank you, Threepio." Jag nodded, smiling roguishly. "Sticks is going to love this. Perfect."   
  
**  
  
I straightened my blouse one more time before reaching up to hit the COM. Sadly, Jag didn't answer right away which made me even more nervous. Minutes ticked by before he answered with a sly grin on his handsome face. I didn't know how to interpret the grin, making me self-conscience. Did I come over dressed, under dress? Was something wrong? He waved his hand, gesturing I come in.   
  
I entered, smiling at him slightly. But frowned once I noticed the main room was dim. At this point, my suspicions about what was really going on came to light. I turned to him, smiling. "So, how are you?"   
  
He nodded. "I'm fine. You?"   
  
"Good."   
  
After that, we stood there like two idiots, analyzing the situation. I was examining my clothes, cursing myself for just wearing my brown flight jacket, slacks and boots, while Jag was all dressed up. He was perfect and I was not. He smiled at me and nodded again. "Um, would you like something to drink?"   
  
Drink?   
  
"Oh no, I'm fine. But thank you."   
  
His gaze wandered off, before resting on me again. He was nervous.... Probably more nervous than I was, which wasn't bad. If he was nervous, I could be cool.   
  
"Actually, I have to ask, what's with the lights? I mean, any more dimmer in here and we would be bumping into each other." I asked, smiling.   
  
"Oh, the lights. It's a surprise." He replied, again, his gaze wandering, looking for something. He smiled back at me as he waited some more. Finally, there was a click and music began to play. He rolled his eyes, walking closer to me. "Sorry, about the delay. I wanted everything to be perfect. Sorry."   
  
I nodded, resting my arm on his shoulder. "It is perfect, Jag."   
  
He blushed before cradling my hand in his. "Would you like to dance, Lieutenant?"   
  
I started to protest against being called 'Lieutenant' but reminded myself not to spoil the moment. This was our first date. I wasn't going to start things out with an argument over formalities. We danced for a while, then awhile longer, which drew my suspicions even more. It wasn't until the fourth song, did I actually begin to question him. Which in my opinion, was a bad idea. Things were already perfect as they were.   
  
"Um Jag, can I ask you a question?"   
  
He didn't verbally reply except nod.   
  
I let go his hands slightly, gasping. "Are you stalling for something?"   
  
At that, he frowned, cueing the lights and stopping the music. I frowned, inwardly, scolding myself for completely ruining the mood. He dropped onto the couch, rubbing his jaw. "I'm sorry, Sticks. I wanted everything to be perfect. I'm not used to doing this."   
  
I sat down next to him, dumbfounded. I had assumed, since he was a handsome man, not much older than I that he'd be used to girls flirting with him or at least him flirting back. "Jag, what are you talking about?"   
  
He looked at me with grief in his eyes. He mumbled something, then turned his head away. I rose an eyebrow, making a face like I was smelling something fowl. I leaned in closed towards him, asking him to repeat what he said.   
  
Finally, he sprung up off the couch, startling me. "I said this is my first date with a girl!"   
  
I smiled at him. I almost belted over laughing but managed to restrain myself. It wouldn't have been proper if I started to laugh. He'd take it as an insult. I nodded back, still smiling. "Don't worry about it. It's mine too, Jag." He nodded his head, telling me obviously he didn't hear what I said. I stood up, taking his shoulders. "Look at me, Jag. Look at me." He looked at me and I continued. "I said this was a my first date. Don't worry about it. So, what if everything's not planned. Most of the stuff I do in a day isn't even planned. I feel my way around things."   
  
"Yeah, but I wanted things to be perfect." He replied, pacing. He gestured to the kitchen, continuing his speech. "I borrowed Threepio to help me cook the meal, but even that wasn't perfect. He mixed the ingredients great, but taste? It tastes like the innards on a rancor."   
  
I laughed, waving my hand. "Hmm, yummy. Rancor flesh. That's just yummy." I paused, looking at him. "I hope you didn't let him make dessert?"   
  
He looked at me incredulously before laughing himself. "Funny, Sticks."   
  
I stopped laughing, placing my hands on his. "So, dinner is trash. We'll find a supplement." I paused, realizing something. "Wait a minute!"   
  
"What?"   
  
"You lied to me. You said other people would be here. You lied to me and I didn't sense it." I retorted, ruining the mood yet again. I have to get some kind of manual on dating before I totally screw things up.   
  
"Yeah. Well, that was the excuse for dinner. I wasn't really sure if things would turn out okay. I guess I blew it, huh?"   
  
I nodded no again. "You didn't blow it, Jag. In fact, I have a better idea. Follow me."   
  
**  
  
Jag hesitantly followed me down the corridor. He wanted our first date to be perfect, but since our lives aren't perfect, it doesn't matter. Besides, there's something we need to settle once and for all. I glanced back at him before punching in a code into a terminal. The door opened and we entered, only by this time, he was beginning to get suspicious. I nodded towards the flight simulators as I programmed the computer.  
  
"I thought you said we weren't going to do this?"   
  
I laughed, glancing at him. "I did."   
  
"So, why are we here if it was you in the first place that pledged not to go this far?"   
  
I stopped what I was doing and turned to him completely, "Because Jagged Fel, you have the ego the size of a Bantha and need to be taught a lesson. And I figured this was the best way to do it."   
  
He shrugged as I pulled him inside the deck. He was still hesitant, a huge switch from hours ago. Hours ago, I was the hesitant one and now he was. It was very funny.   
  
**  
  
I grabbed the throttle, pointing the nose up, checking the area scanner. I leaned back slightly, my back resting on Jag's chest. Okay, so we ended up in the same x-wing, flying the same simulation. It wasn't even my idea. He offered to give me some tips. I couldn't refuse him. So, he head up the ladder, sitting in the cockpit, leaving some room for me. I nodded, climbing up the ladder and now here I was.   
  
"All right. Try not to pull the nose up too much. And keep the altitude steady; not to high and not too low." He instructed. I felt his breath against my neck and giggled lightly because it tickled.   
  
I snapped back to attention, eyeing the altitude. It was medium. "All right. Now what?" I asked, my eyes narrowing on the controls and my view port.   
  
"Now, find a focal point. Once you've done that, follow it and don't let it escape your eyes."   
  
I turned my face back slightly to him, staring at his lips. "Anything? The focal point. Can it be anything?"   
  
He nodded yes, pointing my face back towards the front. He smiled doing so, whispering that it could be. And that it didn't really matter what the focal point was. I found it and followed it as instructed, keeping the nose fairly medium.   
  
"You don't want to come in too steep. Too steep and the ship will burn up. Keep it steady and clean."   
  
I nodded, touching the runway slightly. It was a bit bumpy, but then again, landing any type of aircraft was never easy. And I was nervous. Not only because I didn't want to mess up, but get distracted by this beautiful man steering me home. He was an excellent teacher. I might have to reward him later for that. I thought with a grin on my face.   
  
"Hold it, Sticks. You're starting to come in too steep!" he cried.   
  
My mind wandered back to the present, pulling the nose slightly and evenly, just as it hit the ground a few more times. He nodded, watching me. He knew I was good, but still had doubts. I edged the nose a quarter to the left then set the landing gear down gently. There was a small thud, which I assumed to be the gear, then adjusted the angle. I waited, until we reached 10 meters before stopping completely. It was abrupt, but clean. I released my belt, facing Jag to see his reaction. He nodded, frowning.   
  
"What?"   
  
"It wasn't clean. You were distracted. If the nose had gone far off, we would be off the runway. And the landing. You put down the gear too soon. You should have waited some few minutes before it was soft and easy." He replied, but smiled, noticing my lips. "But, you'll get better. You have to. It's just a matter of practice."   
  
"Practice. Practice is good." I replied, staring back at him.   
  
"It is good." He replied, nearing me. My eyelids fluttered as his lips touched mine. He tried to pull me into an embrace but the pit was small, so all he could do was take my hands in his. He jerked back a bit, then kissed me harder and harder.   
  
"Come in, kids! Out of the simulator." A voice stated, startling us.   
  
I opened my eyes, glancing around. Jag checked the side view port for any engineers. There weren't anyone but there was his uncle and Colonel Darklighter, chatting and laughing. He looked back at me, frowning. I nodded, opening the hatch. The windows, I noticed were foggy, very foggy, probably from the closed space between us. I saw Gavin and Wedge and my shoulders slumped over as Jag emerged from the pit, starting to head down the ladder.   
  
Well, an almost perfect date if we weren't so rudely interrupted. I mused, following behind Jag.   
  
Wedge nodded to his nephew, then to me as I hit the ground. I smiled at them both, my head lowered a bit. "I'm sorry..." I began, but Wedge shushed me.   
  
"No excuses, Jaina. You maybe Leia's daughter, but you know the rules. The cockpit of an X-Wing isn't used to make-out." He stated, eyeing his nephew.   
  
We both nodded, mumbling, "Yes sir."   
  
"Besides, I thought you two were having dinner." Gavin added, raising an eyebrow.   
  
I smiled for the first time, though my head was low. "Threepio made the meal, only since he has no taste buds, it...well." I brought my head up, nodding to Jag.   
  
"It was Bantha poodoo, Uncle." He admitted. "We're sorry if we violated any rules."   
  
Gavin turned his chin to Wedge, smirking. It was a funny situation, but Wedge, though he looked stern, was laughing on the inside. "It's all right, Jainy. Just don't use the simulator without adult supervision. Deal?"   
  
I smiled back at him, nodding. "Deal." Then I glanced at Jag and he shrugged. I nodded to Gavin as I walked towards the door, Jag following behind me. It was a short date, but it was worth every minute to me and I know, despite the war, we can make it work.   
  
TBC   
  
  
  
**


	5. Out of Place

**Jaina's Journal: Entry # 5  
"Out of Place"  
  
By obi's girl  
  
Summary: You guys asked for more and here it is (4 chapters of Jaina's Journal. Enjoy! Please, read Adventures of Ana & Owen: New Jedi Knights - Theed reviewed the first chapter and she loved it. Coming Soon Possibly, a side romance between Jacen and Danni Quee!  
Timeframe: Set after Dark Tide 2. Don't ask me when or which book. I'm really not sure. This is sorely for fun.   
Genre: Romance, though it is only the beginning.   
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: All the below characters belong to George Lucas. I'm just playing around.  
  
I showed at the regular briefing, not wearing my flight suit like the other pilots with my hair tied back into a ponytail...and yet, I felt something was wrong. Wedge nodded to me as I stood back, leaning against the wall. I knew eventually this day we would be called again into action. The New Republic had already suffered through some "minor defeats" as the Colonel put them but they weren't minor defeats. Before I head over to the briefing, my Uncle Luke called me. He said that the Jedi were splintering out into groups, and that unity at this point seemed impossible. I sympathized with him, saying that things would get better but though he smiled back, I know he didn't believe me.   
  
I shook my head as Colonel gave out flight assignments to each of us; another run of the rim, patrolling for Vong warships or anything that was out of place. Gavin glanced at me, sensing my attitude. He dismissed the rest of the group and as I was about to join them, but he called me back.   
  
"Something bothering you, lieutenant?"   
  
I shrugged, smiling, "Of course not. Everything's fine."   
  
Gavin looked down, "Look Jaina, I know things maybe bleak now...but we will win this fight. You can count on it. Let's have some more optimism here. We've never been beaten before, we're not going to start now."   
  
"I know, we will, Colonel." I paused, remembering the flight assignments. "I'm sorry, I was distracted earlier I didn't hear what my flight assignment was."   
  
He smiled, "You don't have one."   
  
I frowned, "Why not? Is it the way I've been acting lately? Colonel, I swear, I didn't mean to get distracted and lost..."   
  
He waved his hand, "You're not out of the Squadron, Sticks. You're one of the best pilots. I'm just giving you some time-off. I think you need it; get out of here, hang out with your brothers and your family."   
  
"Colonel, I am a Jedi. I know when people are holding something back. What is it?"   
  
"Jaina, you know almost all the planets on the outer core have submitted to the Vong and that some on the planets in the middle core are thinking of doing the same...It's just the Central Republic, the Senate, they've stopped funding the squadron. We're on our own now."   
  
"On our own? How can they do that? Don't they care what's happening?"   
  
Gavin shrugged, "They do...it's just they can't handle this right now because there are so many refugees asking for help each day; they have their hands tied."   
  
I nodded furiously, "What about the people that are dying and suffering? Don't they matter?"   
  
"Of course they matter, but for right now, all we can do is patrol sector by sector and if there are people that need our help, we'll offer it."   
  
I sighed, unable to believe we were loosing support so quickly. The Senate, they promised they would fund the war and the squadron - now they can't handle that because its' too much. In desperation, I murmured, "I can call Luke. I'm sure he'd offer to supply aid to the Squadron."   
  
He nodded no, "NO! Luke's helped out the Republic more times than I can count, but the Jedi.... they're not allot as they used to be and it wouldn't be fair to scatter them."   
  
I shrugged, "There must something that can be done. We can't just work on our own. We need aid."   
  
"I know, but there's nothing we can do."   
  
Suddenly, my face turned stern, leaving promptly, "Yes, there is, Colonel..." and I left without saluting.   
  
**  
  
"Jaina, I can't." Jag replied, facing me. "I wish I could help, but the Chiss...they've vowed not to become a liaison to the Republic. I can't break that promise."   
  
"Jag, we need the help. The Military, the Senate's stopped funding the Squadron. If we don't have support and aid, all is lost. Please, I need your help. Please, Jag, do this for me."   
  
He sighed, staring, "Ah Sticks, you know I can't...but I'll think about it."   
  
I smiled, dropping onto a chair, "Thank you, Jag. I know your people are peaceful and do not wish to get involved, but we seriously need this. Thank you."   
  
He stood up, walked over and sat next to me. "What about the Jedi? Can't they help?"   
  
I nodded, "I talked to Uncle Luke; he said more factions are leaning towards Kyp's methods, instead of following him. Streen, Kam, Tionne, my brothers and the rest are still behind him but he's loosing Jedi to Kyp; he'll have to start to take sides and he doesn't want to do that." I paused, "And Gavin said he can't call Luke for help; he said he can't scatter them further and he's right. We don't need more Jedi factions."   
  
"If only the Old Jedi were still alive, we wouldn't have a problem. The Vong would be immediately wiped out and we wouldn't even have to raise a hand." Jag sighed.   
  
"Yeah, Master Yoda and Obi-Wan were the last Jedi from the Old Order, but I'm confident we can fight this."   
  
Jag smiled, "Just keep up that optimism, Sticks. Someone needs to be positive about winning."   
  
"Got that right." I laughed wearily.   
  
**  
  
I heard the alarms around us but it didn't seem real. We were being attacked. I left Jag's quarters, looking around for someone that knew what was going on. Finally, I stopped a cadet running down the hallway. He wasn't too much older than I, maybe only by a year. "Ensign, what's happening?"   
  
"The Vong. They've attacked one of the core worlds."   
  
I nodded no, "Which one?"   
  
"Yavin 4!" he cried, rushing off to join some pilots on their way to the docking bay.   
  
I froze my limbs unable to move. Yavin 4 attacked. I felt my whole face fall pale and the blood in veins grow cold. I didn't even hear or see anyone else rush past me. I had a shaking feeling. I looked up and saw the outline of someone's face but I wasn't sure whose. He shook my shoulders.   
  
"Sticks, Sticks! Come on!"   
  
"Jag?" I questioned, able to focus.   
  
He nodded yes, "Sticks, you have to go. Your uncle and your brothers will need your help." He looked at me; I was still dazed from the aftershock. "You don't have to get dressed. I can take you there onboard Freedom Cry."   
  
I nodded all right as he helped me towards the vessel he mentioned.   
  
**  
  
I felt the darkness envelop me as I drifted from consciousness. Yavin was in trouble...the Vong attacked...Uncle Luke, Jacen, Anakin...Still there, might be hurt. Or killed - much worse. No, not killed. I shook my head violently, before awakening from my silent nightmare. I bolted up, sweat on my forehead. I gazed around my surroundings - it looked to be like a Med. Bay.   
  
Sithspawn, was I dead? I rolled my eyes, dropping back on the bed as Jag entered with a woman doctor. He spoke with her briefly before confronting me, the nurse at his side. "Glad to see, we haven't lost you, Sticks." He smiled.   
  
I rolled my eyes again, "What happened? Where am I?"   
  
The woman nodded, steeping forward, "On board Chiss Medical Ship - Freedom Cry. I'm Doctor Ianna Ossus."   
  
"Nice to meet you." I replied, my gaze drifting to Jag's. "Have you been able to make contact with anyone on Yavin?"   
  
"No, we haven't...but maybe you can, now you're awake."   
  
I wasn't sure what he was talking about, until I realized it. Force Telepathy. I could try but I was still weak for fainting. "I don't know, Jag. I still feel a bit weak."   
  
He smiled all right, leaned over and kissed my forehead. "You don't have to try right away - whenever you're ready will do. For the meantime, I'll keep trying to contact Master Skywalker."   
  
"Thank you...and thank you, too Doctor Ossus."   
  
She smiled thanks, walking away. Jag gazed at me one last time before disappearing himself.   
  
**  
  
~~~Jaina, get behind me! Jag yelled as he stood between my brothers and Uncle Luke.   
  
I nodded no, grasping my purple sabre, pushing myself to the front, next to Anakin. Jag rolled his eyes, not surprised I wasn't going to stand back. Another shot. Jag held up his gun, glancing at Jacen. It was quiet for a time - deafening quiet. I gasped, looking back to check the other cadets, when I felt a burn on my right shoulder. I dropped to the floor, holding my shoulder. Jag fell to his knees, examined my wound and nodded.   
  
Sticks! Sticks!   
  
I nodded, deactivating my sabre, trying to place it back on my belt...It simply dropped to the floor. Sithspawn, why now? I had all ready been so much all ready, why this?   
  
Anakin turned his head, noticing me on the floor, Jag squatted down on my right side. Jaina?   
  
It's not that bad. I lied, nodding. As my eyes opened again, I barely made out a lone Vong standing at Jag's back, ready to strike him down with his staff. I grabbed Jag's gun, fumbled with a bit. When I got used to it, I aimed it at the Vong's chest. Blood spilled from it as he fell the floor, limp.   
  
He looked back at the fallen Vong, totally shocked. He turned back to me smiled, and kissed me forehead. You saved my life, Sticks...I...   
  
Don't worry about it...just don't embellish about it too much when we get back. I teased. Suddenly, I felt the pain shoot up my arm some more. I felt paralyzed, I couldn't move. I tried to reach for Jag's hand. Our fingers barely touched before darkness overtook me... ~~  
  
**  
  
I blinked my eyes open when I noticed the flicker of light. I felt a jolt as we landed on Yavin's surface. Jag ran into the Clinic with his gun. "Jag, what's happening? Were we attacked coming in?"   
  
He nodded, "No, just a bit bumpy. Come on. Your Uncle Luke wants us to meet right away."   
  
"What about my brothers? Are they all right?"  
  
Jag smiled all right, picking me up, carrying me out of the Clinic.   
  
**  
  
I was still feeling groggy when we entered the Temple. I asked Jag to stop carrying me. He refused at first because I was still out of it, but then I reached for my lightsaber and he let me down. I brushed my pants, pulled back my hair and huffed as we entered the Grand Audience Chamber. I nodded to Jag to look around for someone, anyone while I waited in the auditorium. I huffed again, sitting on the edge of the stage. It felt weird being back here. I know that probably sounds strange since I am a Jedi - but I've made flying my dream, my life since I can remember. I felt out of place.   
  
I shook my feelings away as Jag came back with Jacen and my Uncle Luke. I hugged my brother first before my Uncle. Luke smiled at me, giving me a slight squeeze. I glanced at Jag, who just nodded. "What happened? Where is everyone?" I asked.   
  
Jacen nodded, "The fighting is a stand-still, Jaina. We've managed to keep close guard over the Temple, but if the Vong seize the Temple..."   
  
"I know." I replied, not wanting to hear the rest of his explanation. "Um, Jacen - this is Jagged Fel, Wedge's nephew."   
  
The boy turned around, smiled hello at Jag but nothing more. "Yeah, I heard about you. Jaina doesn't talk about anyone else."   
  
"Okay." I retorted, mentally telling Jacen to cut it. "How is everybody else? Was anyone hurt?"   
  
Luke shrugged, "Jaina, a couple days ago Zekk came back."   
  
My eyes blinked, loosing my composure a little bit. I didn't need this right now. Zekk was my first love and now he was back and I was with Jag. Could things get any more worse? I nodded no to my Uncle. "He doesn't know I'm here, does he?"   
  
"No, he doesn't. We didn't even know you were coming." Jacen replied. He noticed my lightsaber dangling on my belt. "I know all of this is still a shock but when you're up to it, maybe you can join the fight."   
  
I glanced at Jag to meditate but he didn't say anything. Always silent - the Chiss way. "Maybe." I answered.   
  
**  
  
"Who's Zekk?" Jag asked as we walked towards my old quarters.   
  
I shrugged, brushing my braid aside. "He's just an old friend."   
  
He stopped walking, crossing his arms, knowing Zekk was more than just a friend. I stopped walking as well, huffing lightly. "Zekk and I - we were friends, nothing else."   
  
"You have a history."   
  
"Yes, but it didn't work out. Jag, I love you. You know that - like my brother said, you were all I ever talked about." I supplied, hoping he would buy it. I couldn't lose him over this. I all ready had that vision.   
  
He nodded, taking hold of my left hand and kissed it. "All right."   
  
**  
  
"So that was Jagged Fel, Wedge's nephew." Luke mused as he walked beside his eldest nephew. Jacen smirked a bit, knowing full well how serious his sister and Jag had become, but now Zekk was back - things might become somewhat complicated.   
  
"Before they started dating, Jaina couldn't stop talking about him - how stoic he was; I guess the Chiss are raised like that." Jacen added, shrugging a bit.   
  
Luke nodded, scratching his chin with his aesthetic hand. "Ya know, I really haven't shaved in days - with all that's happened, I don't think none of us has really had a chance to relax."   
  
"Wars like that and most of life, well our life anyway." Jacen hesitated, "I think after the war, Jaina may join the Rogue Squadron full time." He glanced at his Uncle for a reaction. "You know Jainy loves flying."   
  
He waved his hand, "It's not that, Jacen. I know she loves flying; she's so much like her father in that sense - but the way things are going with the Vong and the war, I'm not sure we'll actually survive the war."   
  
**  
  
I rolled my neck back and forth, configuring my blaster. I know a Jedi needs only one weapon, the traditional lightsaber but as a pilot, I need to be prepared so as part of my training, I learned how use a blaster. I didn't even tell my family about it, mostly because I knew I would get a huge lecture about it from my Uncle Luke. But in war, you have to make those types of changes and lately, I had been going through changes, mentally. I know I've born to be a Jedi, but I love being a pilot. I feel more at home in the sky or out there kicking Vong butt which isn't a bad thing. But now, I don't where I should stand.   
  
I've returned to the academy and the Jedi but do I even belong here anymore? Do I have a place? I don't know. And sooner or later, I will have to choose one over the other but if I choose to be a pilot, my parents, my Uncle, my brothers will be disappointed in me to throw away my talent. Or maybe they won't. I mean, it's not like they're going to shun me from the family for growing up.   
  
Besides, flying has always been my first love. Well, maybe not. Zekk was really my first love and now, Jag was in my life. Of course, I never expected to fall for him. But, oh, am I glad I did. After Zekk left me, I had pretty much given hope of ever being happy and focused most of time training as a Jedi, washing away my sorrows. But I don't regret ever meeting Zekk. With first loves, you can never regret even when you try to move on with your life.   
  
I put my blaster back in my pack, as someone entered the auditorium. "Jaina?" he questioned as I looked up at him. Not Jag, Zekk. His face was rugged, and he looked pale as Sith. My eyes drifted from his face until they reached his stomach. Sure enough, a spear was shot into his abdomen and it was bleeding rapidly.   
  
"Sithspawn!" I cried, rushing over to him, helping him stand. "Come on. We need to get that looked at." Ushering him out, almost bumping into Jag. I looked at him briefly before moving in.   
  
**  
  
Tionne smiled at me for reassurance as she removed the spear from Zekk's stomach. Blood was massed all over hands, but she quickly cleaned them off and grabbed some bandages, winding them around his stomach as I helplessly stood back and watcher. This wasn't' exactly the meeting I had expected between us. In fact, I didn't even want to see Zekk at all during this whole thing. Seeing him would only bring back bad memories and feelings and I needed to focus on the present. We all did.   
  
Finally, Tionne finished the last wrap and as she was about to trash the spear, my Uncle came in and took the spear and examined it. He smelled it, wrinkling his noise. "Poison?" she asked, sending a chill down my spine.   
  
"No, just a regular spear." He mused, breaking the thing in half on his right knee. Luke then folded his arms, looking at Zekk and smiled. "What happened that almost got you killed?"   
  
He shrugged, "I was keeping watch like you told me too, when that spear was thrown into my stomach. I managed to calm the pain for a few minutes as I searched the Temple for help." He paused, glancing at me. "Then I felt something familiar and followed it..."   
  
"And you found me." I added, "Though I wish it under better circumstances. War isn't the best time to meet up with old flames."   
  
He laughed, eyeing me. "I'm over that, Jainy. I'm just glad to see you and that you're all right."   
  
I smiled my thanks as Jag entered, searching about until I waved him over. He kissed my cheek, causing a scowl on Zekk's face. "Zekk, this is Jagged Fel, Wedge's nephew. You remember, Wedge right? Wedge Antilles?"   
  
Zekk shrugged, extending his hand to Jag. "I never met the guy, but I did hear a lot about him. It's nice to meet you Jag."   
  
Jag smiled hello at Zekk, though I sensed he was suspicious of him. They were suspicious of each other and right now, I didn't need to deal with this. Ex-boyfriend meeting current boyfriend wasn't on my "to do" list. I rolled my eyes, taking Jag aside.   
  
"I called my Uncle. He said he could spare maybe a couple pilots for reinforcement and if things started to get really desperate here. If we need them, all I need to do is call him back."   
  
I nodded all right, eyeing Zekk. He wanted to leave but Tionne ordered him to stay put and rest, which meant I wouldn't see him walking in the halls while I was here. That was a good thing. I couldn't talk to him right now, especially with Jag here.   
  
"Hey, you okay?"   
  
I smiled up at him, glancing at Zekk and my Uncle Luke. "Yeah, I'm just a bit tired. It's been a rough week."   
  
Jag grinned, placing his hands on my shoulders, massaging them as he walked me out of the Healer's Center. I was so lucky to have him by my side, but the prospect of having Zekk around scared me. What if the two of them met again and Jag questioned his past. No, gurl. Don't even think about it. Thinking about that will only add to your tense shoulders and possible headache.   
  
"Hmm. That feels good. Thank you." I mused, happily as we settled down in the grand auditorium.   
  
"You've been pretty tense a lot lately. Almost since we left Coruscant. What's going on, Sticks?"   
  
I shrugged, turning to him. "War tends to make a person tense, Jag. It's a tension-magnet."   
  
He laughed, "Maybe, but I think there's something you're not telling me. You can tell me, Jaina. You can't keep thus bottled up forever and hope it will go away. It won't."   
  
I rolled my neck again, massaging it myself. "I don't want to talk about it." Jag frowned, looking down and my heart nearly sunk. "I trust you, Jag, I do but what's going on with me - I can't tell you."   
  
"You can't tell me or you won't tell me." he stated, standing up and pacing about. "Jaina, I care about you a lot and still after all this time, you're still cautious of how I'll react."   
  
"I'm cautious because I don't want to hurt you. Jag, you're the first guy in a long time I have been serious about."   
  
He turned back to me and smiled slightly. "I didn't mean to get angry, it's just - I worry about you sometimes. How this war is effecting you."   
  
I smiled back, extending my hand to him as he sat back down. I kissed his cheek and smiled lightly. "You don't have to worry about me. I've been through war before. Remember, my parents and Uncle and Aunt had to deal with crisis on a daily basis. It's nothing new."   
  
"Yeah, I remember. But still, whatever is bothering you, take my advice and don't keep it bottled up inside. It's not good and whatever it is will only get worse."   
  
I laughed, "Older advice, huh?"   
  
"Its not like I'm ancient, Sticks, but remember, my Uncle is also a legend. You get used to it but you don't hide behind your problems."   
  
I rolled my eyes at him, kissing his right cheek again. "I am sick of these little 'I'm older than you' pep talks. Why can't we just focus on the ere and now?" I mused, kissing him.   
  
"Jaina!" someone cried, startling us both. My Uncle Luke entered the auditorium in a rush, nodding to Jag. "It's the Vong. They're back."   
  
I frowned, glancing at Jag. He had all ready removed his gun from its holster, ready for combat though I was less enthused.   
  
TBC******


	6. Prelude to A Spiral

**Jaina's Journal_Entry 6:   
Prelude to A Spiral  
  
By obi's girl   
  
I rushed down the hallway, towards outside, fearing the worst. First, the Senate stopped funding the military, which meant the Squadron was on its own, then Yavin attacked and my family in danger and then Zekk, showing up out of no where. If I had the chance top stop and scream at the top of my lungs I would, 'cause right now I wasn't' in the best of moods. And the vision of Jag getting hurt, something I was sure I could prevent - even if it meant getting myself in danger in the process. I couldn't let that happen to Jag or anyone else. I huffed to myself, as I rounded a corner, bumping literally into Zekk.   
  
I growled. That's it! Now, would be considered the perfect time for that scream...or an attack. He smiled at me, though all I wanted to was yell at him coming back but I couldn't. So instead, I simply pushed him aside with a scowl on my face, which did help me feel a little bit better.   
  
"Wait a minute, Jaina!" he cried as I froze, turning back to him.   
  
"Look Zekk, I'm really not in the mood to talk to you right now, so whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it! Matter of fact, don't even bother to try to initiate a conversation with me, 'cause I've had it! Just go away!" I yelled back, leaving him dumbfounded.   
  
Zekk frowned, before remembering what he was going to say. "I wasn't going to say anything about that. What I was going to say was that the Rogue Squadron is here to help."   
  
Huh? I gritted my teeth, feeling like a complete idiot, not to mention a walking time bomb. I was bound to say sorry when the Temple was hit. I fell into Zekk's arms from the blast but pushed myself off him as I stumbled to stand up properly, tapping my COM. "Uncle Luke, what in Sith was that?"   
  
"Jaina...can't hear you. Need you down here...Jag's been hurt." Luke answered his voice static from the hit. But the last part I clearly understood. Jag's hurt.   
  
"By the Gods!" I gasped, glancing at Zekk. He saw my panic about Jag, realizing something about the older pilot, something pivotal. But before he could question me, I called back. "Uncle Luke?"   
  
More static.   
  
"...In the Healer's Center." he returned, cutting off the link and I immediately bolted in that direction, Zekk following close behind me.   
  
**  
  
~~Jaina, get behind me! Jag yelled as he stood between my brothers and Uncle Luke.   
  
I nodded no, grasping my purple sabre, pushing myself to the front, next to Anakin. Jag rolled his eyes, not surprised I wasn't going to stand back. Another shot. Jag held up his gun, glancing at Jacen. It was quiet for a time - deafening quiet. I gasped, looking back to check the other cadets, when I felt a burn on my right shoulder. I dropped to the floor, holding my shoulder. Jag fell to his knees, examined my wound and nodded.   
  
Sticks! Sticks!   
  
I nodded, deactivating my sabre, trying to place it back on my belt...It simply dropped to the floor. Sithspawn, why now? I had all ready been so much all ready, why this?   
  
Anakin turned his head, noticing me on the floor, Jag squatted down on my right side. Jaina?   
  
It's not that bad. I lied, nodding. As my eyes opened again, I barely made out a lone Vong standing at Jag's back, ready to strike him down with his staff. I grabbed Jag's gun, fumbled with a bit. When I got used to it, I aimed it at the Vong's chest. Blood spilled from it as he fell the floor, limp.   
  
He looked back at the fallen Vong, totally shocked. He turned back to me smiled, and kissed me forehead. You saved my life, Sticks...I...   
  
Don't worry about it...just don't embellish about it too much when we get back. I teased. Suddenly, I felt the pain shoot up my arm some more. I felt paralyzed, I couldn't move. I tried to reach for Jag's hand. Our fingers barely touched before darkness overtook me... ~~  
  
**  
  
The vision replayed over and over in my mind as I raced towards the Healer's Center. I couldn't lose Jag; I just found him. I couldn't lose him. Tears stung my eyes as I entered the clinic, searching about for Jag. I grabbed Tionne's arm, a pained look on my face. "Where is he?" I cried, as she pointed to the bed behind me.   
  
I ran to Jag's side, hugging him, crying. Zekk huffed, watching me though at this point, I didn't really care if he saw hoe attached I was to Jag. I brushed his black hair away and smiled weakly, kissing his forehead.   
  
"Jag? Jag, please wake up!" I cried, struggling to maintain as calm as possible. His eyes fluttered open and I wept, kissing him. "You're okay. Thank the Force."   
  
He cuffed, sitting up weakly, glancing at Zekk, who turned away to talk to Tionne. "I was shot, but I'll live. Just another war wound to add to the inventory. Nothing big."   
  
I smiled, "Still, I'm sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt."   
  
Jag frowned, looking at me curiously. "Never wanted me to get hurt? What do ya mean?"   
  
"I had a vision about you...and me. I was shot, wounded and you were looking after me when you were shot yourself. When Luke announced the Vong had come back, I feared my vision might actually come true in an even worse way." I paused, glancing at Zekk, "but I was distracted. Sorry."   
  
He smiled back, patting my hand, "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad I didn't die. If I did, I would have loved to see your face one last time before I go up there."   
  
I kissed his forehead again, wiping away my tears as Jag nodded to Zekk. "He was your distraction, wasn't he?" he asked, his face cold, staring at Zekk.   
  
I shrugged, "He just came to let me know about the Squadron."   
  
Jag nodded, "Are you sure? Nothing else?"   
  
I smiled again, "Jealous are we?" I teased, frowning slightly as he stared back at me. "I just blew off a little steam but I'm okay now. Really."   
  
~~Sticks? ~~ My COM buzzed as I grabbed it, answering back.   
  
"Copy. Sticks here."   
  
Wedge laughed, "What are you doing inside the temple? I thought you were joining the fight out here?"   
  
I shrugged, glancing at Jag. "I was going too, but Jag was hurt. He's okay though. If you want to talk to him, it's fine." Jag nodded all right, taking the COM from my hands.   
  
"Uncle? How's it going out there? Kicking Vong ass?"   
  
He laughed, "Some. They're retreating, but where they'll end up next we don't know." Wedge paused, grasping the situation, "You sure you aren't hurt badly?"   
  
Jag smiled, gazing at me. "I'm sure, Uncle and congratulations."   
  
**  
  
I would have loved to remain on Yavin, and catch up with my brothers and Uncle but Jag, Wedge and I were to report back immediately. Duty calls. Of course, if the Senate found out we kept Yavin safe, they might rethink funding the military, but if they didn't - I was going to be really pissed off, especially at Chief Fey`yla. Of all the politicians, my family has had to deal with Fey`yla was the worst and the most annoying. And it wasn't just me that felt that way. We all did and if we had the chance, we would make him resign from his position.   
  
I glanced at Jag for the fifth time, as he and Wedge piloted the shuttle back. I know I shouldn't worry about him, but he's the first nice guy in a long time that hadn't pushed me away. Zekk pushed me away and though I really didn't have the chance to have a civil conversation with him, I was more than happy to return to Coruscant, bypassing him completely. I didn't need my past catching up with my present and if we stayed, Zekk and Jag would talk and I would be in a lot of trouble.   
  
"Hey Jaina, what's going on? You're so quiet back there? Wedge asked, a smile on his face.   
  
I shrugged back, "Just thinking."   
  
Jag laughed, glancing at me and I smiled back. "So, what did you do that almost got you killed?"   
  
"Nothing stupid; I'm not that stupid. Believe it or not, I saved that friend of yours, Zekk. I took the shot for him and he ran off to go for help; I guess when he bumped into..."   
  
I frowned, silently scolding myself for yelling at Zekk. True, I wasn't in the mood to see or talk him but I should have given him the benefit of the doubt. And I yelled at him, telling him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Oh, I feel wonderful. "He saved you, huh?"   
  
"Yeah. We hardly knew each other and he saved me." He said, glancing at me again and I knew he wanted me to say something but as much he wanted me too, I wasn't ready. I know Jag said it was bad to hold things backs, but past should remain past. For that, I looked down, biting my lip - the rest of the trip spent in silence.   
  
**  
  
As we approached Coruscant, I was surprised to see the Chiss fleet hovering over. I glanced at Jag and he only shrugged, unsure what was going on himself so he picked up the COM and connected to one of the ships. "This Colonel Jagged Fel, what's going on?"   
  
"Colonel Fel, trying to sound like a stuck-up pilot, huh? Honestly, Jag, is that any way to talk to your father?"   
  
Jag cringed, gazing at both Wedge and me. I sincerely felt sorry for Jag, but I was curious to meet his father, as I was sure Wedge was and know how his sister was doing. "How long have you guys been here?"   
  
"We arrived a few days after you took off for a Yavin 4. Jag, you know there are civilians down below and you left ---."   
  
He immediately frowned, clutching the COM, "Friends of mine were in trouble, close friends. The Vong attacked Yavin 4, targeting the Jedi."   
  
"You better head on down to Coruscant and report; I'll meet up with there later."   
  
"Understood." Jag retorted, shutting off the COM. It was weird, listening to the two of them. I mean, I expected since they were father and son, they would be really close - of course it could have been because I was from a big family, I was used to that type of security. But even that security wouldn't keep us safe from the Vong - probably didn't even know the meaning of family.   
  
**  
  
"Do you think Colonel Darklighter will be mad at us?" I asked Wedge as, he, Jag and I head towards his office. He shrugged, smiling reassuringly.   
  
He shrugged, "I can't say, Sticks. But if I know Luke, he probably called ahead and gave him the whole story...or not."   
  
I laughed, "Oh, I feel so much better." As we entered, I noticed Gavin talking to another man; he was unfamiliar to me though somehow I felt I should know him. Jag stepped up and hugged him briefly, though it tight between them. Baron Soontir Fel, Jag's father and Wedge's brother-in-law.   
  
"Dad, why are you here?"   
  
"The Chiss want to help the Republic as much as possible and provide any aide possible. And from the looks of things, you could use the help..." then he turned to me and smiled, "and you young lady. Jaina Solo, congratulations for making the Rouge Squadron, and for helping to save Yavin 4."   
  
I smiled, "Thank you, sir. I, uh, I have family there and it totally threw me when I found out."   
  
He nodded, glancing at Wedge. "Wedge Antilles, finally we meet. Syal doesn't talk about anyone else in the family, except you. She's been keeping tabs on you; even a scrap book of everything that's happened here and with this war against the Vong, there's some more we can to that add - like a victory celebration for kicking their asses back where they belong."   
  
I like this guy! Finally, someone to hustle the Senate over the Vong. And not to mention Borsk Fey`yla. I glanced at Jag as he confronted Gavin. He nodded, "You don't need to report. Luke called and told me everything." I smiled again but quickly frowned, remembering Zekk.   
  
"If there's nothing else, I'd like to rest. Got my first souvenir from the Vong," Jag replied, gesturing to his stomach.   
  
"Absolutely, but stay on alert, you too Sticks." Gavin instructed.   
  
**  
  
Jag smiled up at me as I checked his bandages from the blast. They were still in tact but in case we were needed again, I used a Jedi healing trance, helping the wound cover up faster. Tionne had taught me how to do that when I was younger, before the war happened - I'm just sorry I couldn't prevent Jag from getting hurt. I was able to heal it a little bit so it wouldn't sting as much when he walked. "Feel better?"   
  
"A little, but not that's where it hurts anymore."   
  
I raised an eyebrow at him but decided to play along anyway and smiled. "Where does it hurt then?"   
  
He pointed to his right brow and I kissed it. Next, he gestured to his cheek and I gladly obliged. Last, his lips hurt the most. I kissed him fiercely but was careful to mind his wound. "Hmm. I needed that."   
  
I laughed, "I think we both needed that." I paused, staring back at him. "Can I ask you a question?"   
He nodded all right so I continued. "In the shuttle, when you talked with your dad, you sounded strained - it's like the two of were on opposite ends."   
  
"You wouldn't be far off. Before I left Chiss, my dad and I had an argument about the war. He didn't want to get involved in the Republic's fight but I felt differently. I wanted to help and since Wedge was here, I figured it a good a time as any to meet my mother's brother." He paused, studying me. "Now, can I ask you a question?"   
  
I nodded okay.   
  
"I know you told me Zekk was an old friend, but the way you two acted around each other while on Yavin, suggested you were more than that? Were you?"  
  
I frowned, huffing. "I won't deny Zekk was special to me, he was but that was a different time; we weren't in a war or anything. We were friends."   
  
"Special to you? Sounds like you were more than friends."   
  
I laughed, brushing his bangs away, "Why is this important? What happened to Zekk and I was a long time ago - it just surprised me he was on Yavin, helping out. I didn't even where he had gone all these years, or if he was alive for that matter. What does it matter?"   
  
"It matters, Sticks...because I love you."   
  
I smiled, blushing partly. He said he loved me, which I know was hard for him since as a Chiss, he wasn't used to emotion. And finally, I got to see the human side of him that been latent for so many years. "Did you just say you love me?"   
  
He shrugged, "I did, but back to the original question - was Zekk more than just a friend?"   
  
I frowned again; back to Chiss life. Human one moment and Chiss the next. I seriously can't figure out this guy. But I wasn't going to lie to him anymore. He deserved to know; I just hoped he wouldn't get mad at me. "I care about him but he pushed me away, countless times. Eventually, the many times he pushed me away began to takes it toll on our relationship so he left. It wasn't the best solution but I think he felt obligated to leave because he had turned to the Darkside and didn't want to be a threat to anyone, including me."   
  
"...but you were close, or at least somewhat close on some level?"   
  
I shrugged, "Or no level at all; I just never understood him."   
  
"...but you knew him for a time and had grown close before he turned to the Darkside?"   
  
At this point, I was beginning to worry. All these questions about Zekk and I... Was Jag questioning my loyalty to him? Was that why he said he loved me? To test my feelings for him? "Jag, where's this coming from?"   
  
"Like I said, Sticks, I love you - you're the first girl in a long time I've been serious about. I just don't you to keep anything back from me. You can tell me anything."   
  
I frowned, "Like if Zekk and I were serious that we slept together? That's what you're trying to get at, isn't it? That we were intimate? Jag, that's the past for me. I don't even think about it, because of the pain. And there was a lot of pain, pain he gave me because he left without saying goodbye. No letter, no telling anyone else - just left and didn't say good-bye. Is that what you want to hear about my past?" I cried, abruptly standing up, looking the other way.   
  
"Jaina, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."   
  
I shrugged him off, "No, you're not. You tell me you love you and then you question me about my past with Zekk; you didn't even show remorse!"   
  
"I am sorry. I just don't want compete with your past."   
  
I turned to him, brushing away my tears. "I'm not expecting you too, Jag. You're now; Zekk was the then. And no, I didn't sleep with him. I'm surprised, you should know better than to question how I feel about you."   
  
He smiled, "How do you feel about me, now the subject is up?"   
  
I laughed, "You're fascinating," I quipped, quoting him. "Um, can you say it again?"   
  
Jag frowned, "What are you talking about?"   
  
I smiled, kissing his cheek. "That you love me." I whispered back.   
  
He smiled, wrapping his arms around me, "I love you, Jaina Solo. I love you."   
  
**  
  
That night, heading to the mess hall, I couldn't stop staring at Jag. He was the one, I knew it. No more future loves, he was it. No one else. Of course, it could have been because he told me he loved me - it was still sinking in, not yet processed. As we entered the mess hall, were started to hear the pilots hum the wedding march at our appearance. Very cute.   
  
A whole lot of them had been enjoying the spectacle of what was our relationship. The make-out session in the X-Wing during a sim and his Uncle and Gavin catching us. When he challenged me to a fight in front of everybody else and I accepted to teach him a lesson. We sat down at a corner table to stay away from the rest of the crowd.   
  
"Was there anyone in your past that was special?" I asked, staring at the stars many stars outside one the mess halls' of the massive view ports.   
  
He shrugged, "I never really had the time to date; I was judged by Chiss standards...and the girls there are pretty tough and void of emotion, but only connect with full fledged Chiss. Remember, I was an alien living there."   
  
"I remember, but still - there must have been someone you considered special; a crush."   
  
Jag smiled suddenly, gazing at me, "You won't get jealous?"   
  
"Why would I be jealous? I trust you."   
  
"Her name was Vitrana Olis. Pretty and for a girl, not as muscular as most Chiss. She was young, about your age and nice hair." He smiled and I immediately frowned, folding my arms. He saw my expression and stopped smiling, "You said you wouldn't get jealous."   
  
"Yes, but good hair - what's that supposed to mean?"   
  
He smiled cockeyed, "I said nice hair; I didn't say good hair. Why does it matter?"   
  
"She was prettier than me wasn't she? More gorgeous, I would imagine since she wasn't tough like the other girls. Slim, beautiful..."   
  
Jag huffed, "I thought she was..."   
  
I raised an eyebrow, "Thought she was? What is there like a scale or something? Who's the hottest and who's not?"   
  
"Chiss don't judge, you know that."   
  
"When you first came here, you bypassed alien delegates whom were really important." I added, referring to the grand reception held to greet the Chiss.   
  
He shrugged, "To meet a interesting girl that caught my eye - You!"   
  
I huffed, "So, now I'm not gorgeous? I'm interesting?"   
  
Jag frowned, sitting back a bit, scared I was going to kill him with my questions. And I laughed, realizing how stupid how I sounded. He hesitated to laugh at first but after he realized it wasn't a trap, he joined me. "I'm sorry, Jag - I promised I wouldn't be jealous and I badgered you with questions." I paused, smiling, "Pay back for asking about Zekk."   
  
He smiled, "Ya know Jaina, with relationships, people have to learn to trust one another. And not be afraid to say anything."   
  
"I think I'm just starting to understand that." I paused, "I'm just starting to understand a lot of things."  
  
**  
  
TBC******


	7. Dreams

**Jaina's Journal_Entry_7:  
Dreams  
  
By obi's girl   
  
Summary: This is a turning point fic. I won't say how except it will have a surprise at the end, that will be totally unexpected.   
  
Regretfully, I haven't been able to spend time with Jag these few weeks. Our duties kept us apart. He spent time in the simulator, perfecting assault plans against the Vong while, I, on the other hand spent more and more time in combat. It seemed like every second, the Vong was attacking some helpless planet just to annoy us, and me.   
  
I saw Jag on a couple occasions but was never able to talk, except exchange glances and smiles. It tolls on both of us, tired and irritated. A never-ending spiral. Thankfully, today the Vong decided to give us a break to attack so I was able to unwind a bit.   
  
Gavin was just dismissing us when the Baron called me back to talk. He smiled at me briefly, and surprisingly with that smile, I saw Jag. And something else. It came through loud and clear. They hadn't been talking since the Baron came to Coruscant.   
  
"Is there something I can do for you, Baron?" I asked.   
  
He shrugged, leaning back, "I know things have been busy lately, but have you talked to Jag by any chance?"   
  
I frowned, nodding, "I haven't been able to. Duty calls. He's pretty much spending his time in the simulator. It's almost like his home."   
  
The Baron nodded, stepping foreword, "Officer Solo, I know it's not my place to say anything but are you and my son involved?" My frown deepened. "It just seemed like you were when I came here; the way the two of you acted around each other."   
  
I was about to reply but he stopped me. "If you have the chance, talk to him. He won't talk to me; he's stubborn like that. But with you, he's different - open."   
  
I nodded, glancing at him. "I'll try to talk to him, Baron."   
  
**  
  
I finally caught up with Jag as he was exiting the simulator, a data pad in hand. Though it had been weeks we were apart, he still looked the same, except for his face. He seemed saddened, lost. I know, I felt his pain - it was the same pain his father exhibited which made me wander what was going on between the two. Jag saw me and looked away, handing the data pad to another officer as I confronted him.   
  
"What are you doing here? Don't you have an assignment?" he asked, scowling.   
  
I shrugged, nodding to the simulator. "The Vong haven't been attack lately, which gives us a break. There are patrols but I'm not on them." I huffed, smiling partly at him. "The simulations any better?"   
  
"They're okay. Targeting could use some work..." Jag gazed at me, nodding, "You came down here for another reason. What is it, Sticks?"   
  
I looked down, fidgeting. "Your father; he was worried about you. He said you've been avoiding him." If there were one thing to put even more strain on the way things were going, this would be it (besides my recent encounter with Zekk). "What's going on Jag? You position yourself away from people, spending odd hours in this place..."   
  
"Jaina, don't worry about it. It's my problem, not yours. And he shouldn't have asked you about what I was up to. The last thing I need is for you to be caught in the middle of this."   
  
I laughed, shocking him, "In the middle of what, Jag?! What's going on?" Tensions had risen between us before when Zekk came back but this, whatever he was hiding was tearing us further and further apart. He said it wasn't my problem but this is my problem if this was the consequence. "Jag, talk to me, please. Tell me what's going on." He walked over and kissed my forehead, holding me close for his own comfort. At least, it was a peaceful gesture. I couldn't stand fighting anymore; it sickened me.   
  
"Remember, when I told you I loved you? I asked you if Zekk meant anything to you and you said he didn't."   
  
I backed away, unsure where this was going. Was he still hung over Zekk and I? Our past together? I nodded yes, inviting him on. He smiled, kissing me again though it was strained. "Sticks, there's something I have to tell you. It's about my dad and I...I'm just sorry I kept it in this long."   
  
We sat down on some crates to talk. I held his hand, unwilling to let it go if I had to. I didn't want to lose him. He was the first guy in a long time that I really cared about. And if I could salvage whatever possible of this relationship, it had to be now. Things were already falling apart around us. I didn't want the same thing to happen to us. "Jag, what is it? What's going on?"   
  
"Jaina, before I came to Coruscant - my father and I had a fight about the war. He wanted to keep the Chiss out of it but I thought differently. I wanted to help; I wanted to take the fleet and offer assistance to the Republic but he was strongly against it. One night, we had our worst fight, spewing harsh words at each other - it left us void of each other. Even my mother cried because things had become so harsh."   
  
"I stole the fleet, saying my dad wanted me to go to Coruscant and assist the Republic. Only, months after he found out, he came here to retrieve me, bring me back to Chiss and the fleet."   
  
I frowned, removing my hand from his, horrified a force more terrible than the Vong would take Jag away from me. I just found Jag, and now I was going to lose him without say. It wasn't fair, and the Baron, how could he do this? Jag and I were so happy. We loved each other and he wanted to take that away from us! I broke down in tears, speechless for words as my head fell on his shoulder. Jag cried himself, holding me tight. "Ssssh. He isn't going to take me away from you, I promise. I'll fight this, for us. I won't let you go."   
  
"You might not have a choice." I cried, "He's your father. You have to obey him."   
  
He scowled, gritting his teeth, "I don't have to do anything. He can't do this! I'm not a boy anymore; he can't control my life." Jag paused, kissing my forehead again, "I won't allow him to destroy us. Jaina, you're the one positive thing in my life. You're my future."   
  
I froze, facing him, wiping away my tears. "Jag, I love you too but I can't come between you and your father. I refuse to be the third guy; the third guy that loses."   
  
"You won't be. Jaina, I never felt at home on Chiss. But here, I can see myself settling down and starting a life with you."   
  
I stopped him, placing a finger on his lips, "...but what about your father? Jag, I don't want to be a problem. Family, it's the only thing that keeps us together. Without them to lean back on, you have nothing. Talk to him; try to work this out. Compromise."   
  
He laughed, standing up, pacing about. Jag ran a hand through his black hair, somewhat comprehending my words. "I don't want to work things out. What was said back there...It can't be taken back."   
  
"Maybe not, but the way things are...I don't want to risk any more pain. I've been through pain and it stung my heart so coldly, I couldn't stand it."   
  
Jag's eyebrow's furrowed, facing me, crossing his arms. And I knew why. Zekk. I had inadvertently told him about what happened between Zekk and I. I didn't mean to; it just came out but I guess better now than later. "I thought you said nothing happened between you two?"   
  
I growled, pushing my hair back. How much I wished at that moment to erase the past. Zekk had hurt me badly, leaving me like that without saying goodbye. Now, I've lost Jag. I know I have. "Jag, listen to me - Zekk and I, it was a long time ago. We were close..."   
  
"You loved him?"  
  
Sithspawn, why is this happening? Everything was so good between us. Why? I don't need any more pain. I've been through pain; it's still a dark memory in my mind but I remember what it was like. "Jag, we were - he was special to me, yes but I didn't love him. I felt an attraction but it wasn't love." I took his hand and kissed it, "but this is love. I love you."   
  
He shrugged, "It still doesn't erase what was, Sticks."   
  
Force why is this happening? Jag, I love him so much and he's condemning me for a past love. It wasn't fair. Everything that happened between us, shared moments seemed to slip away. Everything that was good, suddenly felt like Hell. "The past is finished, Jag. My past, your past - it's something we can't erase. We can't erase it because it makes us who we are. Without it, we would have no future. Jag, please, don't condemn me because I found happiness with someone else before you came along. I didn't even know you existed, and the same with you."   
  
"How can you tell me, just a few days ago you love you, and then punish me for a past that has recently come back to haunt me?"   
  
Jag touched his forehead to mine and sighed, "I'm sorry, Sticks. It's just - my father, the Vong, my responsibility to lead, it's taking a toll on me and it's driving me crazy. This job is driving me crazy." He paused, kissing me. "It's not your fault. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories..."   
  
I smiled hopefully, hugging him. "I know and I understand. It's driving me crazy, too." I kissed him, tears stinging my eyes. "Just promise me you'll talk to him. You need to work this out, and no arguments."   
  
He laughed, kissing my nose. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Sticks. Thank you."   
  
"I know we all have a lot to deal with, but family is the one driving force that keeps us sane. But if you keep this problem between you bottled up inside, it will only get worse and when you decide to fix it, it might not be fixable." I paused, brushing away his bangs and smiled. "Did you mean what you said before? That I'm you're future?"   
  
Jag smiled, kissing me passionately. "I wouldn't have it any other way." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring, causing me to worry a bit. "If we get through this war, would you do me the honor of marrying me?"   
  
I froze a ghastly expression my face.   
  
TBC **


	8. Choices

**Jaina's Journal_Entry_8:  
Choices   
  
By obi's girl   
  
Marriage.   
  
Sixteen years old, and as for living (no actually surviving this war), the chances...Didn't he realize there was chance of about 1 in a million. Didn't he care? I removed my hand from his standing up, pacing about in a daze. He laughed, causing me to glare back at him. Marriage wasn't funny. It was a serious commitment; a very serious commitment. Life long commitment.   
  
"Jag, think about what you're saying here." I started, trying to phrase my words. "Marriage equals lifelong commitment, total devotion and..."   
  
He smiled, taking my hands in his again, "...And love, which we have."   
  
I shied away from him again, crossing my middle section. He frowned, suddenly realizing my words. Love wasn't enough. It was a good basis but we hardly knew each other. And if we did get married, Wedge would be like my Uncle except I already thought of him as part of the family. He always was. I turned to him and nodded, "Jag, I love you but this is serious. I need time to think about this."   
  
Jag frowned but kissed my forehead anyway, brushing back my bangs. "I understand. And you're right, it is a big decision not to be taken lightly of. Take as much time as you need Sticks. I'll still be here, at least I hope I will."   
  
"That's the thing, Jag and I'm not talking about your father; I'm talking about whether we'll survive this war. More and more core systems are hit everyday, and duty calls. We'll be apart from each other... we won't have time to be together."   
  
He shrugged, silencing me with a kiss I gladly accepted. "Thank you, but a simple kiss isn't going to soothe my fears." I paused, biting my lip. "I mean, my Aunt Mara and Luke knew each other for many years before they realized their feelings for each other."   
  
"And this war will probably takes years, decades even before coming to an armistice. We have time, Sticks but this feeling isn't going away."   
  
I kissed him again, despite my fears, hugging him tight. "I'm just saying marriage is a big step but before we take that step, can we just be in love first? Can't we just be together and not worry about tomorrow?"   
  
Jag looked down at the ring in his hand, scrutinized it before handing it to me. I looked at him, confused a bit. "Keep it then. Keep it with you while you think, and look foreword towards the future, Sticks. The future is all we have." He then removed my dog tag necklace and slid the ring on it. "Just don't keep me waiting forever."   
  
I smiled, kissing his cheek, looking at the silver ring. It had some markings on it. They looked like hieroglyphs. I rested my head in his shoulder, examining the ring. "It's beautiful. What does it mean? The hieroglyphs?"   
  
He pointed to a couple of them and smiled, "This one means forever..." next he pointed to two stick people, holding hands, accented by a sun above their heads. "Forever soul mates, bonded by time and love. A love that will last forever."   
  
I laughed lightly, causing him to smile. "It really is beautiful. Thank you, and I promise to think about it." I kissed him again as my COM link buzzed. I rolled my eyes, backing away as I answered the call. "Yes?"   
  
"Jaina, its Luke. Can you come down by the apartment? There's something Mara and I need to tell you."   
  
I bit my lip, glancing at Jag. He shrugged back as I answered. "We'll be there...Is there something wrong with Aunt Mara?" Luke laughed, the first time I had ever heard him laugh since Mara's illness took effect. Something was going on, but I knew it had nothing to do with the illness. At least I didn't think so.   
  
**  
  
I held Jag's hand as we walked towards my to Luke and Mara's quarters, bumping into Jacen and Anakin along the way. I smiled at them both as entered. The whole family was there, with the exception of Chewie. I frowned at that thought as I scanned the room for dad. Jacen nudged me, nodding to him in the corner.   
  
"What's this all about?" I asked.   
  
Luke smiled at me, patting Mara's hand lightly before standing up from the bed. "I know we've all been through some rough times, but what we're about to tell you all might brighten some spirits around here." He glanced at me and smiled, nodding to Mara. "We're going to have a baby."   
  
I frowned, glancing at Jag. And I thought contemplating marriage was a big deal. Now, I was going to have a little cousin on the way. It's not that I'm unhappy or anything, it's just everything is happening really fast. Everything's changing, and I'm powerless to stop the change.   
  
Both my brothers' congratulated Mara and Luke, though I was sure they had reservations about the whole thing. Luke glanced at me, waving me over. I let go of Jag's hand and hugged him. "Congratulations, Uncle Luke." I mused, as Jag stepped forward, nodding his congratulations.   
  
"I'll tell my Uncle the news."   
  
Luke smiled, "Thanks, Jag but Mara and I would like to tell him. But if you want to come along, you can since you're family."   
  
I snorted, causing everyone to look at me. Got that right, I thought laughing again. I fingered the chain on my neck, lost in thought after that. If Mara was pregnant and we actually survived the war, and I did accept Jag's proposal it was going to be one Hell of a wedding. Oh no, don't get ahead of yourself Jaina. You told Jag you were going to think about and you will.   
  
**  
  
I stuck around the apartment for a while, looking at the various frames and pictures. So much had changed over the years. Years ago, Luke and Mara were enemies. She was Palpatine's Hand, sworn to kill him and Luke was, is Darth Vader's son. They fought each other for so long until they gave up and developed a bizarre friendship. And now, Mara was carrying Luke's child.   
  
But the timing was off. Now wasn't the time to start a family in my opinion, because of the Vong and how unsafe the galaxy was. There were no certainties. I'm sure they knew of that but still, something about the occasion made me worry. I frowned, picking up the wedding photo of Luke and Mara. I smiled partly, staring at the two of them as Jacen came up to me from behind.   
  
"Hey."   
  
I glanced at him and smiled, putting the frame back. "Another addition to the family, huh?"   
  
Jacen frowned, crossing his arms. "You don't seem excited. What's wrong?"   
  
I shrugged, glancing at Mara and Luke. They were laughing and talking with my mom and dad, Anakin standing back out of the conversation almost watching from afar. I switched my gaze to Jag. He had remained quiet the entire time. "I am excited." I glanced at Jacen and nodded for him to come closer. "Is now really the time for all of this? I mean, so much is happening with the Vong. It's not safe anymore."   
  
"And we knew that, Jaina." Luke interrupted startling Jacen and I.   
  
I lowered my head, fidgeting. "I'm sorry, Uncle Luke. I know you've wanted a family of your own. Helping mom and dad raise, Jacen, Anakin and I - you wished for a child of your own but the timing..."   
  
"Never seemed to help. I know, Jaina, but that won't stop us this time. But thank you for your concern."   
  
I glanced at Jag. He smiled back at me. "I'm sorry, Uncle Luke...I didn't mean..."   
  
Luke raised is aesthetic hand and placed it on my shoulder, smiling. "Jaina, helping your mother and father raise the three of you helped prepare me for this moment."   
  
I smiled, glancing at my brothers' and Jag. "So, helping mom change diapers and calm our cries in the middle of the night - we taught you patience?"   
  
He laughed, swaying his head. "In a way, yes and because it did, expect baby-sitting calls in the future, Jaina." Luke winked at me as I gazed at Jag and smiled. Maybe the future was going to be bright after all and not the battlefield of death I thought it to be.   
  
TBC******


	9. Fire & Ice (CH9 - Extended)

Jaina's Journal_Entry # 9  
  
Fire & Ice  
  
By obi's girl  
  
Long after most of the family had left, I smiled, playing with the ring on my finger. Jag, who had been talking to Jacen, turned to me and smiled. I smiled back as he excused himself from my brother and stood beside me, wrapping his arms around my waist. If dad were still here, he'd probably pry Jag away from me. I've always been his little girl, but this war, it's changed everyone, even me. And possibly my future. I turned to Jag and kissed his cheek.  
  
"I was thinking about talking to my father to smooth things over. Will you be all right here, by yourself?" he asked, his smile disappearing.  
  
I shrugged, "I'll be fine. Talk to your father." I paused, hesitant to go on, "I don't want to lose you again, Jag." He leaned down and kissed my forehead before taking his leave. I smiled, watching him leave suddenly looking at my brothers. I knew they had been watching me. I rolled my eyes, beckoning them both over.  
  
"You two looked really serious --- really serious. Should we be worried?" Jacen asked, glancing his younger brother.  
  
I shrugged, sitting down and grabbing myself a drink, "Not really. Not yet anyway." Jacen & Anakin's eyes bolted up, the same question on their minds but before either of them had the chance to ask I left, heading towards the lounge. As before, I played with the ring around my finger. What it be such a bad thing if I decided to marry Jag? I stopped, closing my eyes, remembering my first encounter with Jag, but also hoping, somewhere, I saw him in my future.  
  
~~ At the head of a dozen blue-skinned Chiss came a human walking along with a crisp formality to his step. Taller than she was, but not as tall as Ganner, he had a wiry muscularity about him that his black uniform could not hide. His black hair traced the line of a scar that started as his right eyebrow and ran back into his hair. His pale green eyes seemed tinged with a chill that matched his manner. Only the red stripes along his pants legs and cuffing his sleeves seemed at odds with solemnity.  
  
He mounted the dais at a step, leaving the Chiss in their white uniforms to file along the front of the platform and stand at attention. He bowed sharply to the Relal Tawron and shook his hand. The Ithorian high priest turned to introduce him to Borsk Fey'lya, but the Chiss leader bypassed the chief of state and the rest of his cabinet. He marched along until he met Admiral Kre`frey, again executed a stiffly formal bow, and shook hands. He repeated this process with Colonel Darklighter and Luke Skywalker.  
  
As he moved down the line, gasps and hubbub began to rise in the crowd. It increased as he bowed before Wedge, then smiled and allowed the older man to enfold him in a hug. Before Jaina could figure out what was happening there, the Chiss leader greeted Admiral Pellaeon. Ignoring the Remnant moffs, the young man then stepped off the front of the dais.  
  
He's coming straight at me!  
  
He drew himself up before her, straight of limb and muscularity taut, then snapped his head and upper body forward in a bow that was not as deep as that given the others, but was nonetheless respectful. "I am Jagged Fel." He straightened, and she started to blush as his green-eyed gaze raked her over. "A Jedi too. Fascinating."  
  
Jaina blinked. "Too?"  
  
"In addition to being a superior pilot. You are a difficult kill."  
  
She wasn't sure why, but she smiled at him. "You meant that as a compliment."  
  
Jag Fel nodded. "Among the Chiss it is high praise indeed. I was only a bit better than you at your age." ~~  
  
**  
  
~~ That he was handsome there was no disputing, and the cockiness, which was backed by fantastic skill as a pilot, had its charm. She admired the way he'd stood up to the New Republic politicians - most of whom disgusted her because of the way they treated her mother. Even the Imperial formality was attractive in a quaint sort of way.  
  
I wonder if my mother saw my father that same way?  
  
The second that thought occurred to her she pulled her hand back from Fel's shoulder abruptly. Oh no, I am not going to let myself fall for some guy who thinks grim is the normal state of being. Not the time or place to even be thinking about it. ~~  
  
**  
  
Jagged Fel --a hot shot pilot, smooth, mystery - he even bypassed those annoying politicians to meet me. Maybe this was the guy I was supposed to spend the rest of life with? I mean, when I was younger, Zekk never even gave me the time of day, always brushing me aside later when it was convenient to pick up the pieces but Jag, he was different. He wasn't like other guys.  
  
I grabbed the chain around my neck and examined the ring he gave me. Forever.  
  
~~I smiled, kissing his cheek, looking at the silver ring. It had some markings on it. They looked like hieroglyphs. I rested my head in his shoulder, examining the ring. "It's beautiful. What does it mean? The hieroglyphs?"  
  
He pointed to a couple of them and smiled, "This one means forever..." next he pointed to two stick people, holding hands, accented by a sun above their heads. "Forever soulmates, bonded by time and love. A love that will last forever." ~~  
  
**  
  
Forever didn't sound that bad. But if I did accept Jag's proposal, it would have been because of the romanticism associated with war. Throughout history, there was always a hero to rescue a damsel in distress and sweep her off her feet, something that didn't happen to Jag and I. Besides, I swept him off his feet, beating him at that sparring match. I laughed at that thought.  
  
But marriage, a life together, a family - was I ready for that? Better question, was Jag ready for that?  
  
I frowned, looking at the other symbols on the ring. Forever. Was it worth it?  
  
**  
  
Jag huffed, straightening his suit a bit before entering his father's office, the Rogue Squadron lent him while he was staying on Coruscant. He knew this wasn't going to be easy. It wasn't easy the first time around. The painful words they shared before his leaving Chiss...It brought his mother to tears and the last thing he wanted was to hurt her. Jag knocked the door, clearing his throat.  
  
The Baron gazed up from his desk and smiled lightly at Jag as he entered the office. Jag smiled hello at him before sitting down. "I'm glad you came, son. We need to talk."  
  
He nodded, understanding. "I know. This has been going on long enough, and it needs to stop."  
  
Soontir smiled, leaning back on his chair. "I agree. Jag, I know you want to help here, and I commend you for that but we all know this a war no one can win..."  
  
"Wait a minute, It thought you said you agreed me? Now, you're saying there's no hope and we should just give up and surrender to the Vong?"  
  
He nodded no, smiling partially. "Jag, you know you don't belong here. The Chiss and the Republic...for a long time, they were enemies. The Republic looked down on us; Thrawn saw to that."  
  
Jag laughed shocking his father. "But we can change that, dad. It doesn't have to be like the old Days."  
  
"I suppose it's that Jedi gurl, that's twisted your mind."  
  
Oh, that was it! Jag abruptly stood up, scowling deeply, his eyes narrowed on his father. "You keep her out of this! She has nothing to do with my change of attitude."  
  
Soontir raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, standing up facing Jag. "Believe me, she has allot to deal with your change of attitude."  
  
"I said, keep her out of this! This is between you and me; no scapegoats to blame. Just us."  
  
"You don't belong here. Return home to Chiss." He stated with no emotion, "Stop this before it gets out of hand."  
  
Jag laughed again, "I'm not leaving, but I think maybe you should. If you believe so deeply I don't belong here, that's your opinion. But I do belong here, and I'm not leaving her."  
  
"Jag..."  
  
He nodded, turning on his heel and marching out of the office leaving his father dumbfounded.  
  
**  
  
Jaina Solo-Fel. Nah! Not hyphenated; it's too complicated. Jaina Solo Fel. That sounds worse. Oh I know, Jaina Fel. That has a night ring to it. Jaina Fel. Mrs. and Mr. Fel. The wife of Jagged Fel. Ooh, that sounds good. No, no, no. Mrs. Jaina Fel. Mrs. Fel.  
  
I know I'm ahead of myself but Jag was right. It could take years before an armistice, or until the Vong finally decide to give up and leave.  
  
No, it's a definite. Jaina Fel, the wife of Colonel Jagged Fel. Now, that sounds really good! Wife of, especially. It gives it more power and emphasis.  
  
**  
  
"Jag, wait!" Soontir yelled after him as he started down the hall.  
  
Jag turned to him and scowled, crossing his arms as several other pilots exited their rooms to see what the commotion was about. "Go ahead, dad. You have everyone's attention. Tell me how I've made a mistake coming here, in front of everybody!"  
  
"I've already lost one son to war, I won't lose another. You have to understand where I'm coming from, son. And it isn't just me; it's your mother too. Losing your brother made her more protective of you and your sister. She sent me here to talk some sense into you and convince you to come home."  
  
He frowned, glancing at the faces of the many pilots. Thankfully, Jaina wasn't amongst them. Jag gazed back at his father and huffed, "Then tell her she doesn't have to worry. I know how to take care of myself, and I'm not alone. I have family here, and I'll say it again - I'm not leaving Sticks."  
  
Soontir nodded, smiling partly. "I didn't think you would. You've always been stubborn like that." He paused, "You really like this gurl, don't you?"  
  
Jag shrugged, "Let's put it this way, I fell for her. She beat me at a sparring challenge, and pinned me."  
  
"Jag, if you're going to stay here then there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not going to stop you or try to change your mind. That's pretty much pointless but I do ask that you try to separate your feelings and what you know is right."  
  
He smiled back at him, "Thanks, dad." And left, as several of the pilots applauded Jag.  
  
TBC 


End file.
